Many people who find themselves becoming victims of infidelity keep wishing that their relationship after cheating could return to the way the marriage was before. They keep remembering how sweet the marriage was and their main question is “will our marriage ever feel the same again? Can’t we return to the good old days? There are many who ask me these questions.
I would rank them as the most asked questions in my emails. Every time I see these questions, I am reminded of problems that often result in divorce. You should not keep referring to how the marriage was. If it was that great, then you could not have encountered the problems that you are currently going through.
Those who have been reading my blog posts will realize that I consider the cheating spouse to be the one who is solely responsible for infidelity. You should not blame yourself as it did not happen because you faulted.
However, if your marriage was great, it is highly unlikely for a partner to leave the good life and decide to follow the painful route. There is no reason for you to consider going back to the period in the marriage where you accidentally made way to the current problems. You should not consider returning to the way the marriage was before your husband strayed as it might have given him a reason to justify the affair.
The truth is that you should never consider going back to the way a relationship functioned before an affair. I am sure that there were times when you were happy and excited about your relationships. I am sure that you had romantic times and you have every reason to cherish the moments due to peace and safety that was brought by what you considered to be a functional marriage.
If you are planning to improve the marriage, you should avoid romanticizing the past or ignoring the reasons that led to the marriage. If you believe that all will be well if you got back to the life that you had before an affair, then you are not likely to gain much success in solving the problems in the marriage. Besides, it might not be possible. It is hard to go back as life is progressive and needs you to go forward. The past should be done away with. The real issue is not going to how things were but how you want the future to be. It is all about the kind of relationship that you want to develop for the future.
The things that you ought to do so that you improve your marriage are:
1. Love.
If there is no love between partners, marriage will not prosper. Love is a foundation to a deep relationship.
2. Commitment.
Both partners must have a commitment towards each other and the process of solving the difficulties that are affecting the marriage . It will be difficult to solve anything if only one partner is committed.